Letter to Michaela

Michaela next to the sign that my senior class donated to the school 

as our class gift the year I graduated.  Class of 2017 standing next to Class of 1987.

Dear Michaela,

There are times I look at you and I really have a hard time believing you are my daughter.  I don't feel old enough to have a teen age daughter about to start high school.  Just thinking about all the time that has passed since my own freshman year in high school makes my head spin.  How could it have been so long ago?

You know that the day you were born my biggest dream came true.  Being a wife and mother may not seem like a lot to some people, but it's what I wanted most out of life and the day you were born you gave me the mother part of that.  

From that first moment when you looked up at me and you forehead wrinkled like your daddy's I've not been able to breath the same since.  My whole world tipped over and slid around like a carnival ride and hasn't stopped since.  

You've been a source of constant worry and constant joy.  You are more beautiful than you will ever know, my "fabulous" girl.  And, you are more loved than you even begin to comprehend at this point in time.  

I admire your passion for those things that interest you.  I love your kindness and gentleness.  I envy your sassiness in standing up for yourself.  I am proud of your tenacity and loyalty.  You are a composite of your parents, but you are also definitely uniquely YOU.  

Your first day of high school begins a whole new adventure for you.  I am excited and nervous for you.  Just remember to enjoy every second of it while you can.  These next four years are going to fly by faster than you can fathom.  There is so much to experience and so much to learn, I don't want you to miss any of it.  I know your high school years are going to be amazing and I am so looking forward to experiencing them with you.

Because I love you and because I'm your mom and because you're a teenager (even though you have a good head on your shoulders) I have to give you advice before you begin high school.  It's mandated by the mother handbook.

Don't forget to stay focused on your academics.  Do take a couple fun classes.  Don't mess around with drugs or alcohol.  Do find ways to party and have fun responsibly.  Don't let any guy treat you like you are unworthy.  Do have fun on dates with guys that deserve you.  Don't let any guy pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.  Do feel comfortable talking to Mom when in doubt about those types of thing.

Don't let any other girl make you feel less than amazing.  Do surround yourself with friends who love and appreciate you for who you are and not who they think you should be.  Don't shy away from your teachers and other adults at school.  Do take time to talk with them and get to know them and let them get to know you.  

Don't get in a car with someone who's been drinking or doing drugs.  Do take keys away from friends who try to drive under the influence.  Don't take on too many things.  Do try new things.  Don't take things or yourself too seriously.  Do take other's feelings seriously. Don't let these four years slide by unnoticed.  Do live it up and love every minute of it!

My incredible, smart, talented, athletic, compassionate girl, sometimes my heart aches for the little girl who ran to Santa with her arms outstretched saying "Santa, Santa, I LOVE you!"  But, mostly I am in awe of the young woman you are becoming.  Every day my life is more valuable because I get to be your mom. Always remember you are my amazing miracle and that your daddy and I love you more than words can say.

Have a wonderful high school experience at the best high school around!  Go Pirates!

Love you always and forever!
Mom

Visions of the 4th Wordless Wednesday

This Week's Wordless Wednesday:

Pictures Taken During our 4th of July 2013

Our's town's parade

Waiting for the Fireworks

(we watched from the top of our city hall parking garage)

And the show began!

My daughter enjoying the fireworks

Oooooooo, ahhhhhhhh

Part of the finale!

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Experience the Normal

         I take a deep breath and just try to absorb the moment.  Nothing special is going on, I'm just making some lunch and my son is playing on the computer in the other room.  It’s just the two of us home right now as his sister is at Girl Scout Camp for two weeks and his dad is at work.  It’s just that lately I've become all too aware that days like this will be gone way before I'm ready for them to end.

            My daughter is 14 and my son is 11 ½ .  Each summer seems to mean I have less and less time with them as they are more inclined to be doing things with friends or pursuing their own interests.  We dropped my daughter off at Girl Scout Camp about an hour away from home two days ago.  She will be there for two weeks.  She’s gone to camp before, but this is the first time it’s been longer than a week.  I missed her before we even got to the camp.  She starts high school in August and of course at this point it’s about spending as much time with her friends and boyfriend as she can.

            Last night my son spent the night with a friend.  It meant that it was just my husband and me at home with the dogs.  I usually love having that alone time with my husband.  Last night it just felt like the house was empty.  This morning when he went to work, it felt even emptier.  I was so relieved when it was time to go pick my son up from his sleep over. 

            It’s just a normal week day during summer break.  I’m doing things around the house and trying to get some of my own things done.  He’s finished eating his lunch and is now downstairs playing on his Xbox.  I’ll be going to the grocery store soon.  But, the fact that we're in the same house for most of the day is really all that matters.   

        So, again I just close my eyes and only focus on the sound of his voice as he’s talking to his friends over his Xbox and the feel of the house when he’s home.  I try to focus all my senses on the simple experience of doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen and preparing to go to the store while he’s here in the house with me.  All too soon it'll be over and we'll be building memories with our children as adults instead of as kids.

Guess Who Came to Dinner

   Tonight was a first for us.  My daughter's boyfriend had dinner with us.  I still am feeling weird about saying "my daughter's boyfriend."  When did she become old enough to have a boyfriend?  Didn't I just bring her home from the hospital last week?

   Anyway, she does have a boyfriend and he is a very nice boy.  He's polite and considerate and is more than willing to have a conversation with the adults in Michaela's life.  I did get to meet his mom the night of the 8th grade dance and I like her too.  So, it's all good.  Just still a bit strange.

   So, we picked up her boyfriend today before my son's baseball game.  He came to the game with us and then came home where I cooked dinner.  See, he doesn't know how lucky he is that he got a home cooked meal from me on a weekend.  I made tacos like my mom's.  That is with white corn shells that have been fried.  We also had fresh watermelon, cantaloupe and pineapple.  Oh, and pink lemonade cupcakes for dessert.  

   He seemed to enjoy it all and that made me glad.  It's really hard to know what to make or how much when you're still getting to know someone.  He was a very gracious guest and even helped with the clean up.  His mother has done well raising him.

    Even though it still feels a bit strange to know my daughter has a boyfriend, at least I know she's picked well.






                                       This is a picture take before they went
                                       to the 8th grade dance.  ----->
                                      As you can see our Livvy gave her seal
                                      of approval.  :-)

My Baby Girl is 14

Fourteen years ago tonight, May 27, 1999 at 6:03 p.m. my dream of becoming a mom was finally realized after much ado when my daughter was born via emergency c -section.

This post to be continued...

P is for Prayer

My prayer for my daughter:

     My dearest daughter, if I could custom make your life experiences for you I would.  But, since I cannot here are my prayers for you as you grow into adulthood.

     It is my greatest wish that you grow strong, healthy and happy.  I pray that you will always know how much you are loved and will always love yourself.  I pray that someday you can see yourself through my eyes and know what a miracle you are to me.  I pray that all your dreams come true, but that you must work for them so you appreciate and enjoy them fully.  I pray that your life is full of people who love and value you for who you are.  Most of all I pray that I get to be with you to see you experience everything that comes with growing up and being an adult.

My prayer for my son:

     My darling boy, if there was a way for me to put into words what you mean to me, I would.  The best I can do for you is to share my prayer for you.

     It is my greatest wish that you, like your sister, grow strong, healthy and happy.  I pray that you will find wisdom that helps you make sound decisions in your life.  I pray that you learn how to be a man from your father, for none do it as well as he does.  I pray that you experience the joy of sincere friendships.  I pray that all your dreams come true, and that you must work for them to fully enjoy them.  I pray that the people of your life value you and love you for who you are.  I pray that others get as much joy from your sense of humor and laugh as I do.  I pray that those close to you never fail to notice your caring, loving nature.  Most of all I pray that I get to be with you and see you experience everything that comes with growing up and being an adult.

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E is for Endings

     We are going through a lot of endings in our house lately.  Of course we've just gone through the end of winter.  Very soon it will be the end of the school year.  Less than a year ago was the end of us having children in elementary school.  But, there is so much more getting ready to come to an end and it's got at least two of us in this house a little unsettled.

     My daughter is going through the most endings right now.  Her Girl Scout troop will be folding after this school year and so that's the end of everything that goes along with that.  The end of mother/daughter dinners, father/daughter dances, neighborhood camps, overnights at museums, cookie sales, etc.  The cookie sales I will not miss.  It will be very strange not having the other stuff going on.  She is going to do PEGS so she can continue to earn her awards.  But, it will not be the same.

Neighborhood Camp 2.5 years ago

     This is her last year of middle school.  Everything that goes with not being in high school is over.  This is both scary and exciting for us.  I just am having such a hard time believing that my baby girl is going to be in high school come August.  In just four years we will be planning for graduation.  YIKES!

     We are also part of the ending of an "era" with our local YMCA.  My daughter has been part of the swim team there for the past three years.  All of the coaches are leaving which means whatever happens next year it will be completely different.  It's a little scary, but then, change is always scary.  I hope that they are able to find new coaches soon.

The coach who is pregnant

     This past Christmas saw the ending of Santa Claus in our house, too.  It was the first Christmas that we did not have to pretend about Santa.  Which also meant that the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny have ended, too.  These actually I'm not as sad about as I probably should be.  I'm more relieved because I was HORRIBLE at it.  I just can't remember my lies to keep them going.  And,  our poor kids, the tooth fairy has NEVER been on time.  So, that ending has been helpful.

     This year also saw the ending of my 18 year run as a first grade teacher.  I was moved to 2nd grade for this school year.  I was not happy about it, but am really hoping this is where I stay next year.  There is a lot of uncertainty about that, but I'm still hoping not to be moved again.

My first second grade class in 19 years

     My husband's job that he had for a long time ended less than a year ago.  The company he worked for closed it's doors.  This led him back to a company he left about 13 years ago.  Thankfully, he did find another job.

      And, now it is time for the ending of this post.  Life takes us through lots of changes.  Sometimes they are far apart, but sometimes a lot happen in a short period of time.  The upside to it all is that whenever something ends, something else begins.

An early spring sunrise

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Blogging A to Z

Being a Swim Parent

     This past weekend was the YMCA Area Championship Swim Meet for my daughter's swim team.  A swimmer must swim a qualifying time at their Districts Swim meet in order to participate in this swim meet.  My daughter's 200 freestyle relay team qualified, so this was her first year swimming at the area championships.

     This is the part where I get to say, Soccer Moms have NOTHING on swim moms.  The things we do for the love of our children.  This was our road to watching our daughter swim for 32 seconds at an area championship.

     Three years of practices and swim meets.  This includes Y membership fees, swim team fees and meet fees.  Each year our daughter has participated in at least eight meets each of the three years.  Half of these are out of town meets and require hotel stays.

     Meets usually are two days long.  You can spend up to 20 hours in one weekend at a pool to see your child swim a total of about 3 minutes, unless they swim distance and then it could be about 6 minutes total.

     A swimmer must compete in and swim an area time at the district swim meet to qualify for the area championship meet.  Our district meet is held  in a town that is 2 hours away.  It's a two day meet and requires a two night stay in a hotel because it is necessary to be at the pool before 7:00 a.m. the first day.

     A swimmer can either swim two individual events and two relays, three individual events and one relay or just three individual events.  This year our daughter swam two relays and two individual events.  One of her relays qualified for the area championship.

     So, this past Friday we all got in the car after work and school and headed out of town for the third time in two months.  This time instead of driving a couple hours we had to drive 4.5 hours north.  We got to our hotel around 10:30 on Friday night.

     In order to make sure we had a spot in the crash area (the place where all the swimmers and parents sit and wait for their turn in the pool) we had to be at the pool no later than 6:30 a.m.  The crash area can get insane.  You have hundreds, sometimes thousands (as in our district meet) of people all in one space.  Everyone is vying for a spot with their fold up chairs, blankets and paraphernalia, and of course you sit with your team.

     Not only did our daughter only qualify for one event, it's also an event that is always towards the end.  In this case, it was the second to last event of the day.  Her relay team hit the pool deck around 12:30 p.m.  Yes, that is six hours of waiting to watch her swim the second leg of a four person relay.  Her split was 32 seconds.

     We did spend part of the time cheering on her teammates.  So we got to enjoy the camaraderie of the team, because a swim team is NOT just the swimmers.  As parents of swimmers we spend an enormous amount of time together, so we are part of the team, too, as are the siblings who are not swimmers.

     It has been an exciting ride this year and I'm having a hard time believing that this weekend was the last meet of the swim year.  YMCA swim years last from September to March as far as meets go.  Practice will continue through May.  We still have a couple bonding events left, but the meets are over until fall.

      During this year she has discovered her love for swimming distance.  She is planning on working on her 500 freestyle next year with the hopes of maybe making it to area championships in that next year.  She will be in high school next year and be swimming for her high school team too, so hopefully that will give her a little more helpful experience.

      With three years of YMCA swim under our belts, we are already looking forward to next year with the craziness of home meets, the weekends out of town and the insanity of crash areas.  It's all worth in when we see our daughter's brilliant glowing smile as she prepares to jump from the starting block.

A Road Trip

     I am sitting in the passenger seat of our van playing a game on my tablet and signing softly along with an 80's song that is coming over the radio.  The kids are in the back seat watching a movie on the DVD player.  My husband is in the driver's seat.  We are on our way north.  Our destination is about 4.5 hours from home.

     I actually love times like these.  We don't have to be going anywhere exotic.  We don't even have to be going anywhere to stay overnight.  Our destination is not necessarily important.  It's that we are together.  It's that we are creating memories as a family.

     Last summer, my daughter came home from girl scout camp with all these plans for the next few summers that include her being gone for increasingly amount of time each year.  She will be starting high school in August.  These two things have been a huge twist in my gut.  It has made me realize exactly how limited our time is with our children.

     I have always tried to make sure my children have plenty of smiling moments in time that they will hopefully be able to look back at their childhood with fondness.  I want them to be able to have tons of things to reminisce about and talk about when they are older.  Those, remember when we... moments.  Moments they want to share with their own children.

     As I sit in the moving car I breathe in the contentment that surrounds me and cloak myself with love we all share. I glance at the man I am lucky enough to share all of this with and it makes me smile as my chest balloons.  He is the reason all of these family times work so well.  Because he is a daddy and a husband, not just a man with a family.

     Our road trip may cause us to sit in the car for a long period of time.  It may be we sleep in not the greatest hotel.  We may end up playing a waiting game most of the weekend.  But, we are all doing it together.  Our children are learning to support each other in their interests and our family is building a foundation that, hopefully will be strong enough to embrace grandchildren and great-grandchildren and beyond.

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An Unusual Friday Night

   It's Friday night and I am at home with no intention of leaving.  I have been in my pj's since 6:30 p.m.  This is very rare for me.  We are usually off and running somewhere with something to do.  

   Actually, most weekends we are constantly on the go.  But, this weekend we have only two actual planned things.  A baseball practice that my son and husband have to go to and the dogs have a grooming appointment.  

   It's so nice to know we don't have to rush from one thing to another.  I have been looking forward to this all week.  I had visions of sitting with my computer composing blog post after blog post and scheduling them to be published at various times.

   Well, here I sit with two unfinished blog posts in my files and no idea how I am going to finish either.  Actually, one I've got a vague idea of how I want it to go, but I just don't have the stamina or energy to put into it what is needed.  I really hope I do sometime this weekend.  

   Then, I sat and let the cursor blink for half and hour while I watched this week's episode of Big Bang Theory.  I love that show.  My daughter and I watch it together.  Now, we've got Hoarders on and my brain just seems to keep floating away.  

   I guess knowing that I don't have a swim meet or basketball tournament to go to this weekend has made my brain decide to really take some time off.  It doesn't get to do that very often.  And, next weekend we'll be off to Dekalb, IL (about a 4.5 hour drive) for the last swim meet of the regular swim season.  No more swim meets until summer time.

   Everyone in this house seems to just be wilted, including the dogs.  My husband is lounging on the bed in the bedroom.  My daughter is curled up on the couch under MY blanket.  My son is downstairs on his Xbox.  One dog is stretched across a pillow on the floor.  The other dog is stretched across the part of the blanket my daughter is not using.  And, my eyes keep straying to the clock to see if it's any closer to bed time.  

   So, that's how I'm spending this Friday night.  How about you?

It's the weekend, so it's time to hangout with the weekenders at Yeah Write!

Amazing Adventures in Parenting

       My heart was pounding fiercely in my chest.  I could hear it in my ears.  My stomach felt like someone was twisting it an ringing it out.  I could hardly breathe.  It was hot and humid in the building so I was sweating like crazy.  I don't think I've ever been that nervous in my life.  And, all I was doing was sitting in the bleachers.

     We went to my daughter's district championship swim meet this weekend.  This is her third year on the team so, it was her third year at this meet.  Her events this year were 500 freestyle, 100 backstroke, 200 medley relay, and 200 freestyle relay.  It was a particularly exciting meet for her because it was only the second time she's swam the 500 and we knew that her freestyle relay had a good chance of making state time.

     I was nervous for her during her 500.  She's been training so hard for this for weeks, working on endurance and her form.  We were counting on her dropping time during the meet.  It's fun to watch a distance swim because it lasts longer than a sprint.  But, it can be nerve wracking when you know how much the results mean to the swimmer and that swimmer is important to you.  She did fantastic!  She kept her pace the whole 20 lengths of the pool and won her heat.  Her time improved by a whole 4 seconds.

     However, it was nothing like watching her 200 relay.  That event just about killed me.  I am not kidding when I describe how I was feeling watching the relay.  My girl swam the second leg of the relay.  They had to improve their time by 1.5 seconds.  I literally could not breath.  I was terrified to watch the time on the score board.  I did not look at that until the anchor swimmer was on her way back to the block.  It would have been very easy for me to lose control of my bladder at that point.

    When the anchor swimmer hit the wall I let out this very loud yelp/squeal/scream that probably sounded like a pig dying.  I almost collapsed.  Really, I am not being dramatic here.  They managed to improve their time by 3 seconds, making state time by over a second.  They also placed 7th in that event. My baby girl is going to state this year with an awesome relay team.

     It means a trip up north.  The place they hold this meet is about 4 1/2 hours from where we live.  But, to watch my girl participate in her favorite thing at a meet she's been working towards for three years is worth it.

     Anyone that misses out on this part of being a parent has no idea how empty is their life.  I can't imagine having lived without this type of experience.  I could never have felt those feelings that strongly for myself.  I can't wait to do it again, for/with both my children.

Marriage Games #2

     My husband has some OCD tendencies.  He is far from being in need of therapy, well at least for that anyway.  But, yet there are those certain situations that he just has to have things a certain way.  I guess maybe we all have our moments, but when those moments provide amusement for others, they leave a person open to torment.

     One of his OCD needs is to have the hymnals and bible in the pew at church spaced equally apart and there be perfect symmetry with all three volumes in the rack.  He CANNOT leave them alone if they are not perfectly situated in front of him.  Which is hilarious considering the state of his desk at work.

     My daughter and I take turns moving them around.  We will push them together, push two together and move the third far apart.  We'll take the bible (which belongs in the middle because it's smaller than the hymnals) and put it on the outside of the hymnals.  Sometimes we even turn one of the books on its side.

     We have started "timing" him to see how long he can go without "fixing" them.  So far his record is about 8 seconds.  My daughter and I have a hard time controlling the giggles during church because we are spending so much time torturing my husband.

     Ok, so not only am I a bad wife for inflicting annoyances on my husband during church, but I'm also a bad mom for being a dreadful role model in church.  But, I consider it my duty to teach my daughter how to vex your husband.  It is a very useful skill that requires careful cultivation.

See What Happens in The Marriage Games #1

Friday Flash Blog Hop

My Daughter, My Teacher

I always wanted to be a mom.  For some reason when I was growing up I just assumed I would have a girl first and then a boy.  Well, that's what I got after much trial and tribulation and a miscarriage.  My daughter was born a month early on May 27, 1999.  This means she is now a teenager and I'm actually loving being a mom of a teenager.

This young woman has taught me so much throughout the years since her birth.  Of course I've learned all about what being a mom to a girl is all about.  I've learned all those things you need to know to keep your child alive and breathing.  But, she's also taught me so much about myself.  She is so much like I was at her age that at times it is scary.

My beautiful daughter has taught me to see the beauty inside myself that I never believed was there before she was born.  She has given me confidence in who I am and my ability to accomplish my goals and dreams.  Although, she is a lot like I was, she is also stronger and smarter and at times she's who I want to be when I grow up.

I will never forget the first lesson she taught me about myself.  She was just a toddler.  Since I have always worked, she went to daycare/pre-school from infancy.  There was a little boy that started at the same daycare in the same week she did.  They were at daycare together until Kindergarten.  She and this little boy were inseparable at daycare.  She talked about him constantly and he drove his parents nuts with her name.

Once afternoon as I was straightening up her room and she was toddling around with me she started talking about her own future.  Yes, that is right, my not quite two year old daughter was already laying out her future before her in plain sight of my eyes.

At that time she was adamant that she was going to marry her beau from pre-school.  They were going to live in a castle.  She was not going to work.  They were going to have five cars.  And, she was going to have 10 children.

When I heard her talk about being a mom at such a young age it took my breath away.  It was at that moment that I realized, not only did she sound like me, but that WAS me at that age.  I literally cannot remember not wanting to be a mom and this just jolted me back to my own early childhood when I had already started dreaming of my own family.  It was also in that moment that I realized because of her, I was living my biggest dream already and hadn't even realized it until that point.

I had my husband (who is still a mystery to me as to how I got so lucky there), my little girl and my Scottish Terrier.  We had our own home and both of us had decent jobs.  Our little girl was growing normally and although she'd had respiratory problems was starting to grow out of them and was still very happy.

My own toddler daughter, taught me that my strongest heart's desire was already being realized.  It was only about a month later on her 2nd birthday that I would find out the dream was to be complete.  That is when the pregnancy test stick again turned pink and my journey to becoming the mom of a boy, too, began.

Our children are not our legacy, they are our teachers.  If we are willing to open our minds as well as our hearts and souls to them, we may just find that hidden treasure we thought we were still looking for is already right in front of us. 


  Ok, this is my first time linking up with the challenge grids at Yeah Write! There are a lot of cool bloggers there if you'd like to check out some more really creative posts.